Death

In a Tarot card reading, the Death card is unlikely to actually represent a physical death. Typically it implies an end, possibly of a relationship or interest, and therefore implies an increased sense of self-awareness.

As of late, I feel like I am surround by death, the physical kind. A few months back, I lost a friend and more recently a couple of neighbors, all close to my age and all suddenly. I realize, that at my current age, which is the same age my mother died at (another thought that plagues me), this will become more common place, but it never seems to get any easier to “deal with”.

I was not very close with any of these people, but I still considered them friends. Conversations were had, events were attended, memories were made that I will cherish forever. I’ve come to realize more and more, that is why we never truly die.

Just today, I was at my local grocery store and while I was paying for my purchase, I noticed the pile of big Hershey’s chocolate bars they typically have at the edge of the conveyor belt. Instantly, I was taken back to the memory of how I would buy a few for my dad and how happy he would be when I presented them to him. A simple act of kindness, an “I thought of you today.” kind of thing that warms my heart and gives me hope that I too, will never truly die.

A very long time ago, I brought home my mom a Snickers candy bar, just cause. She made such a big deal out of the event and I was like, “Mom, it’s just a candy bar.” She said, “No, this means you thought of me today.” Me, being at teenager at the time, was like, “Whatever.”, but that moment, that memory still lives inside of me and most likely will till the day I leave this physical existence. I have told that story to my children, my friends and now to you, whomever is reading this story and so long as someone recalls this tiny tale, a piece of my mom will live on.

My mom died on a Palm Sunday 34 years ago. It was a picture perfect day, weather wise. The weather had been horrible the previous day and the day after, but on the day she passed, the sun was shining and it was warm with a gentle breeze. I recall sitting on the front porch with the man who would eventually become my ex-husband. At the wise age of 21 I said to him, “Maybe this is all that there is. We live, if we’re lucky, we love and then we die.” Not bad for a rebel without a cause.

I consider myself very fortunate to have so much love in my life. Besides my children, I have a healthy number of people I am proud to call my friends. One Valentine’s Day, many moons ago, I got very depressed because I did not have any love life whatsoever. I always feel better when I cook, so I decided to make cookies, but not just any cookies, heart-shaped Linzer cookies. If you don’t know what those are, they require a bit of work because not only are they a rolled cookie, but you need to make a top and bottom set for each cookie. The top cookie has a hole in it so you can see the raspberry jam sandwiched between the layers of buttery goodness, rather labor intensive, but worth it. I wanted to make a cookie for everyone that I had love for in my life, so if I was going to make one for so-and-so, I needed to make one for this person and that person and oh wait, these people too! Suddenly, I wasn’t so sad anymore because I realized that even though I did not have a romantic love in my life, I had a bounty of people who loved me that I had to make cookies for.

You may be reading this and think that I am single-handedly contributing to a high blood sugar situation for all that I care about, but I have found ways of making my mark in people’s lives that do not involve sugar as well. Today I visited a young lady I used to work with. She is a superstar in her own right, but didn’t see herself that way. I am tickled pink to find out that to this day, she credits me for teaching her about merchandising and buying for the retail industry. I am very proud that she refers to me as her mentor, but the reality is, all I did was help her see herself through my eyes. Actually, that is a wish I often send to people who struggle with their own self-worth.

I suppose, me being someone who shares that same struggle, I tend to see the potential most do not see in themselves. I take it as my personal privilege to enlighten them and help them rise to their potential. Many don’t realize what I am doing because I can be rather stealth, but I enjoy very much, guiding, teaching and acknowledging growth. I love being a mom, I greatly enjoyed being a Boy Scout leader and I am honored to lead retail teams, honing skills and giving credit where credit is due. No man is an island and it takes a village to raise a child, lead a pack or to successfully run a store. Hopefully, this will be my legacy and I will live forever with the stories folks tell about the crazy, curly haired lady who taught them how to do a thing or two and made them laugh along the way.

No worries, I won’t be leaving this plane of existence anytime soon. My Tarot card readings always state that I will live at least into my nineties. I guess that gives me plenty of time to make more memories, and possibly cookies for those I love and to tell the many tales of the memories I am privileged to have been gifted by those who gave me a moment of their precious time, a shared cherished moment, before leaving us behind.