What do I want in a man?

It was World War II, somewhere in Germany and a bridge needed to be taken out to prevent the advancement of the Germany army. My father was OSS (Office of Strategic Services) and was assigned to that mission with a Yugoslavian man and his son. First, they had to eliminate the problem of two German soldiers who were standing guard. The Yugoslav told my father, not to worry and he and his son took off into the winter’s night. When they returned, they were wearing Nazi uniforms and carried a burlap sack soaked in blood. They emptied the sack onto the frozen ground and there laid two blonde heads. No more problem.

Now it was time to load the explosives to the bridge, that was where my dad came in. He was highly trained for a mission such as this. He was trained in explosives and also how to photograph and map the landscapes. He spoke multiple languages including Polish, French, Russian and German, but most of all, he was an excellent storyteller and performer and used those languages to collect intelligence in whatever means necessary and relay it to our allies.

Sadly, I do not recall the exact details and to the best of my knowledge, they have never been written down, but my father’s stories are legendary. I do possess the documents to confirm my father’s involvement in the OSS (now known as the CIA). I have some photos and memorabilia, but most of all, I have my father’s stories. He told them over and over again, to anyone who would listen and there was never a shortage of listeners. He told family and friends, he told the father’s of my Boy Scout troop, he told the barber, the mechanic and the ladies at the bank and thrilled them all with the details and passion in which he recalled his adventures.

You may ask, what does this all have to do with what I want in a man? Well, he’s going to have to compete with those stories, my memories of my father, but unlike my father, he cannot be a compulsive liar. I choose to believe my father’s stories, he always kept his stories straight, that is until dementia took his memories from him. As the years rolled on, as he had a fresh audience to entertain, his stories remained intact. That tells me that they were true. However, I would find out later in life, that my father had a flair to embellish the truth or to flat out lie.

They say we are looking for our father in a potential mate and I believe that may have been the case with the choices I have made in the men I gave my attention to. To some degree, they have all lied to me, some to an extent that part of me is still reeling from the unveiling of the truth. However, now that I am aware of my potential flaw and understand what I don’t want, I also know better what I DO want in a man.

I created an actual list in 2009. Back then it included statements that they would have be get along well with and respect my father and be able to help support me financially. Those situations no longer exist, so I have updated my list and it reads as follows:

What I want in a man:

I want a mutually loving, honest and respectful relationship with a man who adores me, has a healthy sexual appetite and is for the most part, compatible with me inside and outside the bedroom.  Basically, I want a man who will be my best friend who I just so happen to have incredible sex with.

I want a man with a good sense of humor and who is willing to play with me.

I want a man who respects my privacy, my infrequent need to be alone and views my mood swings as a cherished part of what makes me who I am.

I want a man who understands and respects my strong bonds to my family as well as my friends and is not threatened by these relationships.

I want a man who will have a healthy and respectful relationship with my sons and my friends.

I want a man who understands my needs, wants and desires and does his best to help me achieve them.

I want a man who is able to share his needs, wants and desires and allows me to help him achieve them.

I want a man who will willingly go out of his way to be with me, who looks forward to being with me and will be at my side in my times of need.

I want a man who relishes my personality, who is proud of me and proud to be with me. Someone who will dance with me even when there is no music, because we will make our own.

I want a man who is able to share his deepest thoughts, fears and joys with me without hesitation. Our relationship will be built on honesty, trust and compassion.

I want a man who will make me a priority in his life. Maybe not first, but within the top three.

I want a man who speaks to me with kindness and respect. Sticks and stones will break my bones and words can hurt more deeply.

I want a man who earns a solid, honest income and is financially capable of supporting himself.

I want a man who thinks I am the sexiest, most beautiful woman he has ever known or will ever know.

I want a man who admires my intelligence and kindness as well as my wit and charm.

I want a man that is intelligent and worldly, yet humble.

I want a man who is mentally, physically and spiritually strong enough to walk beside me, not in front of me, nor behind.

I want a man who will embrace my writing skills and encourage me to expand my horizons.

Surprisingly, the last statement is not a current edit. I wrote that years ago, nice that I am now following that desire.

The main point I would like you to notice about my list is that I state that these are things that I want, I never use the word “need”.  I do not need a man in my life, I want one and that is so much better.  I used to need a man to financially support me and it put me in a position I was not comfortable with.  Actually, it put me in very ugly positions at times, having to do and say things I didn’t want to just so I could provide a home for my children.  It is very difficult to live in a manner where one does not have a choice to just leave.  I was stuck and I didn’t have the strength or courage to find out if I could raise my kids without any other support.  So, I chose to stay put and be able to offer them a more “normal” childhood and staying put allowed me to be more present for them as well.  I have very strong opinions on rearing children and I did the best I could with what I knew at the time.  No regrets.

So, I have now put my list out into the universe. It’s a little daunting and may open me up to con artists who will pretend to possess these traits in order to deceive me, but then again, maybe it won’t. Maybe the universe now has the information it needs it bring me into a situation where I have the opportunity to find him. Better yet, maybe just maybe mind you, he will find me.