As usual, I have a “to-do” list I will attempt to accomplish on my one day off. It includes chores of various sorts and some fun stuff, but the chores come first. Today, I chose to tackle my closets. Yes, that is a plural because you see, I have so much “stuff” that I personally have for myself, two closets.
The first closet contains extra bedding for guests, suitcases and the vacuums (yes, plural), but it also holds 2 totes of clothing as well as hanging items. This closet is reserved for the items I do not wear often or more than likely never, but refuse to give up. This would include the few items I have left from my parents. I kept my dad’s Century 21 gold blazer and a few other choice pieces purely as keepsakes. The few pieces of my mother’s that I have, I still have hopes of one day fitting into and go out to some Mid Century Modern event proudly wearing them. I have her prize possession, a royal blue velvet coat and her Jackie O. styled skirt sets, gloves to match of course.
Another chunk of clothing in this closet are mine and my sons’ scouting uniforms. I know they could care less, but I want them for keeps. Maybe because I know how much time and effort went into not only earning those patches, but the time spent sewing them on. I also still have my Morton West High School jackets, green and white with our mascot, the Falcon on them. Yes kiddies, Morton West’s colors used to be green and white and “Go Falcons!” was our cheer before the powers that be blended us with our arch rivals at Morton East.
Still another section of the closet holds what I would consider my “good” clothes, skirts and what not that I rarely ever wear, but I have them if the occasion calls. Worn even less, the lingerie department. I proudly own quite an extensive collection. Personally, I wish I could walk around wearing some of those pieces. I can go into a clothing store and hate everything I try on for being ill fitting, but when I see myself in lingerie, were good. I really don’t know how I came to be this way, but actually I am much more comfortable with my body image while wearing lingerie. I have always felt that Victoria’s Secret is missing the boat by not serving the plus sized community. I would totally be their spokes model, can’t you just see me with wings? I can.
Somehow I managed to go through everything in that first closet and create a pile to donate. I really have no need for the mountain of underwear that was just in that closet’s tote alone. Yes, I kept my best pieces, but the everyday type of stuff, gone. The maxi dresses that I really never felt great in, gone. However, I did keep the one I wore for my Stepford Wives costume and another one that is more fancy, just in case I ever have a party to wear it to. Also in that pile, the never worn dress I bought from Goodwill tag intact, gone. Enough to fill one bag for donation.
Onto the second closet, the one that is actually in my bedroom with more of my everyday attire. Like I said, this closet holds my everyday wear, so I wasn’t as willing to give up as many pieces as the “fancy” closet. However, I was able to add a few more pieces to the donation pile. The main reason I didn’t get rid of more is because I have made a promise to myself that I cannot buy anymore clothing until I lose some weight. I have plenty of jeans that are perfectly fine if I can manage to lose 20 lbs or more. These days, when I lose weight, it tends to be more in my face and bustline instead of my tummy, where I need to lose it the most, so I will need to lose more than 20 lbs to get back into those bad boys, here’s hoping.
This house has a dormer, so the closets are long and get shorter and shorter as you near the back. Crawling in and peering through the darkness, I can honestly say that I have way too many bags. Not purses, but bags and suitcases. The company I work for likes to give us things, which is greatly appreciated, but enough with the bags already. I don’t feel that I could really give them away to a thrift store, but I do share the wealth with family and friends, hint, hint.
Further back are the keepsake boxes, two for each of my sons and myself as well. Every once in a while I like to drag them out and comb through my treasures, but I was on a mission today, no time. Further back still, the fabled box of skinny clothes. Yes, this is the box of clothing I absolutely refuse to give up just in case I ever find the magic potion or formula that will allow me to go back to the age of twenty when I was able to get down to the magical size of 13/14. I cherish the red mini skirt with the cloth covered buttons all up the side. I wore it with pride along with my white, shoulder padded dress shirt and white pumps. It was 1984 and I rocked out that outfit as well as several other pencil skirts that somehow I managed to let go of back in the day.
On top of that box lies the box of dreams, my wedding dress. The Jessica McClintock tea length Victorian style dress with the high lace neck and tasteful bow on the back. Yes, I will admit, it was the most expensive part of our wedding (all done for $2000, ring and all) and more than likely, the real reason I wanted to get married. I mean, where else could I wear a dress like that, right? I had to get a special bra to squeeze in my back fat to wear it, it didn’t come in a larger size than 14, but I did it and wore it with pride and shallow breathing techniques.
When all was said and done, I put together one bag of clothing for donations, just one bag. One bag of memories I was willing to part with in hopes of making room for some new ones to come along. I know I have a lot of stuff, but until the faithful day I must downsize, I really don’t have the strength, physical nor mental to clear out my stuff. My one son tells me that I will never be able to move forward with my life until I move from this house. I understand what he is saying to me, but at the same time, how do I left go of all of this stuff without throwing out all the memories as well?
When my mom died, she was a pack rat, the house was literally stuffed with stuff and I had to get rid of a lot of it just so we could begin to live a “normal” life. Over the years, I have been able to give away lots and lots of toys and children’s clothing as well as holiday decorations that no long suit our needs. I have been able to let go of a lot, but when I turn around…how did the amount of stuff get overwhelming again?
I try and make deals with myself, that somehow I am preparing for a fabulous future in a modest sized MCM home, but that’s not enough to coax me to let go of the homework I saved from grade school that Mr. Hogan gave me an A+ on. I reason with myself that maybe someday I will need to make room for a romantic partner, but then I remember all the storage space I have in the basement. I love my stuff, it brings me joy and according to the notion out there, if something gives me joy I am allowed to keep it. So, what do I do with the drawers (yes, plural) of lotions and hair pins, buttons and bobbles that clutter my bedroom desk? What do I do with all the tools my father collected? How do I let go of the cake pans my mother made me birthday cakes with? I don’t, I simply don’t and won’t until the time comes where I must or will perish.
Today, it’s one bag, one bag more than yesterday. For now, that is all I have the strength to let go of. Tomorrow may be different…maybe, but the red mini skirt with the cloth covered buttons all up the side will have to be ripped from my cold hands! Besides, it give me joy, just knowing that it is there, just in case…
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