Some people are just meant to be in your life. That is most certainly the case with Karen. We met the year after my mother passed away while working at a restaurant making cakes. She seemed much younger than myself so I quizzed her when she said she was the same age as me. “Okay then, when you were growing up, what was on TV Friday nights at 7 pm?” Her reply, “I don’t know, the Brady Bunch?” “You are my age!” I exclaimed and the rest is history.
I was going to cooking school at the time and she was headed to a cooking school in another state. The school I went to was a fledgling and the one she had received a scholarship to was an already accredited institution, someplace one goes to perfect their cooking skills. From the get go, Karen would always be the better chef, more professional, the perfectionist. I ended up running a little pastry shop on Chicago’s South Side and doing some catering before I got married and became a mom. I did have a signature piece though, my cheesecake. Karen and I had made cheesecakes for the restaurant we both worked at, but we were never taught the recipe, we just topped them. What I made was my own recipe and it was rather well liked. So much so, I had been offered to sell it through a catalog, but that was the time in my life that I just wanted to get married and start a family, so I turned them down. I knew I could never do it perfectly, so I let the dream of being a chef go and chose a different path.
Karen, on the other hand became a full fledged chef. She worked in numerous states and exotic locations. She worked with many top notch chefs, she honed her skills and developed a name for herself. Along the way, we always stayed in touch with each other through those infamous snail mail letters folks used to write and Christmas cards. I shared my experiences of being a new mom and having a troubled marriage. She wrote about her travels and the man she would marry. When she visited home, she would go out of her way to visit me too. It felt like a movie star had walked into my home. I was a Suburanite mom who baked occasionally and she was a chef. Karen also looked like a movie star, slim, dressed well and her hair always perfect. I looked like a worn out Suburanite mom, overweight, wearing sweats and my hair a curly mess. Why couldn’t I be more like her? Karen always appeared to me as being perfect. My song for her is Why Can’t I Be You by the Cure. I know she is not, but she always appears to be. It’s a little maddening, but admirable just the same.
Karen married a polo horse trainer from another country. Her travels included wherever his work took them, but eventually she made her way back to living in Chicago. One day I received a phone call from her asking me, “Guess what?” Something told me to say, “You’re getting divorced.” She was amazed that I was correct and asked how I knew. “I never did like him.” was my honest reply. I always thought it was because they were getting married at the same time my marriage was ending and I just had a poor view of marriage overall, but I really never did like him. He seemed small and weak compared to Karen, a user and definitely not perfect, like her. Turns out, I wasn’t that far off in my assessment. I went with her to the courthouse when she filed for divorce. She was grateful for the support. For me, it was an obvious choice to be there for my friend, I didn’t want her to go through that alone, not like I did.
From that point on, Karen settled in Chicago and moved on with her life as if nothing had happened. She bought a perfect condo in the city and worked at many affluent restaurants. With her drive for perfection, she eventually claimed the title of Executive Pastry Chef. During this time, her mother fell ill. Her father had already passed and I didn’t know much, if anything about him. I did get to spend a little time with her mother, but Karen worked so much, our visits were few and far apart. When Karen’s mother passed, I received a phone call to let me know. I swear, in the same breath she asked me if I wanted to go to a gospel concert at Millennium Park. I was like sure, if that’s what you need to do, I’m there… and so it began. It was as if Karen had a relentless need to be busy, go places, do things at all times, so she wouldn’t miss anything. She felt that she worked so much, any free time she had, had to be spent doing something fun and so, I went along for the ride.
Karen would invite me to join her on her perfectly planned adventures. It was fun and exciting and made me feel young again to venture into the city, to go to fancy restaurants on her expense account, concerts, art festivals, you name it, we did it. We traveled together a bit as well. Karen is great at planning trips, not a moment to spare, gotta see everything and do everything we possibly could while we were somewhere, anywhere. I would say that I needed a t-shirt that said, “I survived vacation with Karen.” It could be exhausting, but I appreciated her perfect travel plans and the adventures we went on. Oregon was the best, from the walking tour as soon as we hit Portland to experiencing hot water springs naked with strangers and horseback riding on the beach (not naked, but fun). It was a memorable trip indeed, perfection.
We also spent a lot of time just hanging out and talking. One day, decades after being in each other’s lives she told me that she had met my mother. I was like, how can that be? My mother had already passed before I met Karen. She described being at a theatrical show at the community college we had both attended. She sat next to a woman who was going on and on about her daughter who was running one of the spotlights and to top it off, she said that the woman had given her candy. That was my mom! My mom always had candy on her and yes, I was the daughter who was running the spotlight! Crazy! I don’t know why Karen had never mentioned it before, but for me, that sealed the deal, she was meant to be in my life. I don’t believe in coincidence and for some reason, Karen and I were meant to know each other. What a great story, absolute perfection.
Even though we spent most of your times together being on adventures, Karen was also present for the challenges in my life. She was supportive during my health issues as well as my emotional ones. When my father began to decline, she even took him out to dinner while I was on a business trip. I didn’t want him to be alone and my dad adored her and was thrilled to spend time with her. She took one of the most perfect photos of my dad while at the restaurant of him eating a kolaczki. That was heaven on earth for him, being at his favorite restaurant with the woman he would refer to as being his favor flavor. Yes, my dad was a hound dog, but he had good taste. As my father’s health further declined, she was there to help care for him as well. My own sister wasn’t, but Karen was. That says a lot about her character. During one of the most difficult times of my life, she was there, she brought him cookies and made him smile. Perfect.
A couple of years ago, Karen’s career took a sudden turn and she found herself at a crossroads. She spent a year dabbling with other career options and of course, traveling. Karen doesn’t like to sit still, not even for a moment. I swear to god, I don’t believe I had ever seen her cry. I also feel that she has never fully processed the loss of her parents or her marriage. She keeps moving forward, going through the motions, doing what she feels is expected of her, working hard, keep moving, keep moving on to perfection. So when a promising relationship, one that seemed to have the potential to be perfect for her, that she experienced during this year of crossroads ended, imagine my surprise when she cried. Karen cried, for the first time in the decades I have known her, she cried and it broke my heart. I’m the crier, not her and I was honored that she allowed me to finally see that she wasn’t perfect, she was human.
Karen loves to travel, no matter how small the trip, she is always at the ready with an overnight bag in tow. I was baffled at her decision to leave behind her career of being an Executive Pastry Chef, something she was perfect at. Instead, she is pursuing a career that involves travel. Of course, I know she will be perfect at it and rock out whatever uniform she is required to wear. Her hair will be perfect, her smile warming the weary travelers she encounters, but more importantly I think she will be happy. Although Karen has always appeared to be perfect to me, always outgoing and smiling, she never seemed to be truly happy. Although this career choice will be moving her to another state, I know it will not be good bye. She is meant to be in my life and I in hers. Time and space cannot diminish the friendship we share, the one that somehow my mom set on course over 30 years ago. It will change, our adventures together will be less frequent, they may not always be perfect, but they will be what they are meant to be, just like our friendship.
Thank you for being in my circle.
#thelieswechoosetolivewith
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