My folks were older than most of the parents of the kids I went to school with. I was a bonus baby, so my siblings are much older than myself. Hence, why I feel like an only child with siblings. Their childhood was much different than mine, but we all grew up with the same stories our parents told.
My father was born in the early 1920’s and he lived until 2016. Just think, in his lifetime he saw the streets of Chicago go from horse drawn carriages to cars, radio shows to TV shows and one landline phone to everyone having their own cell phone. He was a kid during the Great Depression and always told us stories about how he and his female cousin danced professionally. They performed at the 1933 Chicago World’s Fair and he even played the violin on the radio, back in the day.
As a teenager, he sold ice cream on the Chicago beaches for $2 a day and brought the money home to help support the family. He was able to go to Nortre Dame University for one year before he was recruited into the OSS during WWII where he did landscape photography and recognizance work. Upon returning home, he worked in his grandmother’s store delivering groceries and that’s how he met my mom.
Mom used to tell me stories about how broke her family was and she was warned to never ask for more of, basically anything. She told me about how she would suck every last drop of flavor out of the bone of a pork chop because you didn’t know when you were going to have your next meal. They ate scrambled eggs and brains for breakfast and that was considered a treat. She never graduated high school and went to work instead so that she could have a little something for herself.
Mom loved coconut cream pie and she would tell me how she would buy a mini one and lock herself in the bathroom so she could eat it without having to share it with any of her five siblings. Her mother passed away when she was 18, but she had met my dad by then and they married when she was 19. I believe for a time they lived in a basement apartment of my dad’s folk’s home and then they moved out near Joliet.
I have heard many tales about how poor they were and that mom would have the kids dig through the sofa for change so they could afford to buy a loaf of bread. According to the stories, they were always struggling, but looking at the photos of the years before I was born, everyone seemed to be dressed well. No one showed signs of being malnourished. They had a car and went to the drive-in theater. They had bicycles and roller skates, sleds and Barbies and even a record player with a collection of vinyl recordings to enjoy.
Dad would say that there were times that he worked three jobs so he could support his family and mom stayed home. Her job was to take care of house and kids. We always ate well, had clean clothes to wear and even went on annual vacations. So why does everyone seem to recall that they lived a difficult life?
Yes, there was always debt, but isn’t that the American way? We all want to live beyond our means and that leads us to feeling deprived. I did it myself and the worst thing I ever did was get a credit card at the age of 18. I spent decades being in debt because I kept trying to keep up with everyone else. I had to have more clothes and go more places, do cool things like going on trips and to concerts. I went out dancing and spent way too much on being an under-aged drunk. Still, I felt I was not as good as the others because I didn’t have more.
When I had children of my own and their father left us with no child support I still felt the need to provide them a “normal” life and give them the things the others kids had. I will never forget the year they got picked on at boy scout camp for not having walkie talkies. My kids didn’t have a lot of what the other kids had, especially a dad, but I made damned sure they got walkie talkies. It meant standing in line at 4 am before going to work for a Black Friday sale, but I got them walkie talkies. I couldn’t get them a dad, but I got them everything else I could buy with a credit card and racked up an incredible amount of debt in the process.
I eventually figured things out and I have managed to eliminate that debt and actually have a little bit of a savings. I have taught my children what my folks never taught me about saving and not to worry about keeping up with the Joneses. Better yet, we have learned to be prepared and have a house full of supplies, always have, always will. I never want to be like my mom and forever worry about where the next meal will be coming from. I never want to be like my dad and not feel like I am a success because I have debt.
My home is not paid for, oh well. Odds are I will never be able to retire, but I know my kids will be there for me. I may never make it to Hawaii or use that passport I have renewed, but I have seen many wonderful places in this great country I feel privileged to live in. I have food, clean clothes and a nice shelter and I even get to go to the movies, if there’s anything out there worth seeing. Most importantly, I have an appreciation for all that I have and therefore, I have all that I need.
I learned that lesson a long time ago when my marriage hit the fan and god spoke to me through my lingerie. Let me explain. When my marriage ended, I was beyond broke and all of my bras were literally falling apart. I thought to myself that I was going to have to walk around like some braless whore (that’s my mother talking there). Then I remembered, I had a box of skinny clothes in the back of my closet. If there was even just one bra in there that would fit me, I would be okay. I dragged out the box from the bowels of my closet and dug out my salvation. There was one bra that fit me and I was going to be okay. It was then I realized that I have everything I need, it’s the things that I want that get me into trouble. In case you’re wondering, I still have that bra and I always will.
Right now, I am blessed to be considered “essential” and I am still working. However, things could change. Odds are things will change, but here’s hoping they will improve. However, if things get not so nice, I know I will be okay because I want the things I have and I try not to worry about the things I don’t. Money comes and money goes, but at the end of the day, I have my integrity, my family and my friends. Somehow, I will always survive. I sincerely believe that all my needs will be met, somehow, someway they always are. I have everything I need and now is not the time to fret about the things I want and don’t have. Actually, it’s never a good time to do that.
We used to tease my dad when he would start telling us his stories about how hard he had it growing up and we would say, “We know, we know you had to walk to school, nobody drove you. You had to walk in the snow, rain or when it was blistering hot. You had to walk uphill, both ways…” and then we would all laugh. No matter how bad you think you have it, there’s always someone else who has it worse. I know it doesn’t make things better for you in that moment, but things change, we make due and we survive, sometimes we even thrive.
Folks are scared and rightfully so, but we’ve made it through much worse and we are still here. Whenever I’m feeling defeated, scare, or morose I pull out one of my dad’s famous sayings. I will leave you with this pearl of wisdom, “This too shall pass like gas through the ass.” Now start walking uphill, both ways.
#thelieswechoosetolivewith
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