Crazy Attracts Crazy

I sincerely believe that people move in and out and sometimes back into our lives for a reason. There are even some people, that no matter how wrong it may seem, you can’t help but want them in your life. I like to think that I am one of those people. I may not be what one would deem medically crazy, but I know I am and folks like to tell me so from time to time. That’s okay, because I’d rather be considered crazy than boring any day of the week.

Being crazy has allowed me to have some of the most wonderful adventures. More times than not, I was stone cold sober while having them which for some reason would piss off my ex-husband. He didn’t like the fact that I could be having so much fun, feel so free and not be high or drunk. He on the other hand, didn’t have that luxury and I felt sad for him. I didn’t need to be high to go skinny dipping or experience the natural hot springs in the Oregon wilderness. I figured, the folks there were naked too and I would never see them again, so why not get naked and join them in the bath. Even though I’m overweight, I tend to be more comfortable naked, especially if I am not wearing glasses. I will reason that I cannot see them clearly so they can’t see me either. I know that’s not true, but it does allow me to be more comfortable with my body image.

Oddly enough, even though I’m the crazy one, I realized at one point in my life that I was surrounded by very dysfunctional people. When I posed the question as to why, I was told it was because when they were around me, for that short period of time, they felt normal. Huh, and here I thought I was the odd one. When I have my palm read I am told that it is impossible for me to have so many children and I am asked if I am the type of person everyone considers their mommy. Why yes I am. I am the great protector, the mama bear of the world and I think being crazy is a requirement for such an awesome responsibility. I’ll stand up to most anyone or anything if I think my loved one is being threatened. Besides, crazy tends to scare off most foes and I live to fight another day.

I really started thinking about this crazy attracting crazy business a few weeks ago when an interesting customer came into the store. If he wasn’t high, he definitely exhibited the symptoms of ADD. He was asking so many questions and telling a variety of unusual stories all the while wearing a floor length black duster like Neo from The Matrix. He left and came back a total of three times to chat me up which led one of my employees to say that he was interested in me. She said, “If he asked you out, would you go?” I thought about it and didn’t feel comfortable with the idea and told her that crazy attracts crazy, that was all that was going on.

However, I have to admit that I have been thinking about him. He hasn’t come back, but what if he did? That would be thrilling because generally speaking, men do not ask me out. There have only been three brave enough to do so in the real world (the internet is a different story, marriage proposals galore). Two of them over twenty years ago, I married one of them and the third sixteen years ago, the proverbial transitional guy. I met Tony while at work one day. I couldn’t figure out why this guy kept talking to me. Did I know him? He was wearing a shirt with the YMCA logo on it. Maybe I worked with him at the Y and just didn’t remember him? So I asked him where I knew him from and he said, “Don’t you remember talking to me? I mentioned how nice your eyebrows were and how they matched the color of your hair.” Huh? Yeah, no I didn’t remember that conversation.

I don’t recall if this happened on that one visit because we talked about so many things. He taught me about the different types of salt in my department and he was really into organics, but at one point he told me I was so beautiful and asked me if I was married. I said no, so he said that meant he could ask me out. I thought to myself, what a weirdo and walked away. He followed me and asked me for my phone number. I told him if he really needed to speak to me that he could always call me at the store, but he was persistent. I told him that he was freaking me out, that no one ever asked me out. He looked me up and down and asked why? I said I didn’t know and eventually gave him my number.

I really never thought that I would hear from him, but I did. We talked for hours and we eventually went out. It was a very exciting time for me because I hadn’t been with anyone in over nine years. I honestly thought that my prayers had been answered and that he would be my next husband. We got along very well and he was great with my dad as well as my kids, but he was still in the process of going through divorce number two and I was still healing myself. You see, I met Tony shortly after my ex-husband came back into our lives after a six year absence. We were two broken people, we were two crazy people and we were very attracted to each other, but it just wasn’t meant to be. I don’t even recall how it all ended, but we didn’t see each other anymore after he said something that didn’t sit well with me and our lives moved on in different directions.

One way or another, we stayed in touch. Tony’s main attraction to me was that he trusted me, something he did not do very easily. He had a business idea and wanted me to be involved with it. Since I am not one to throw people away, I listened and gave him my input. At one point in the conversation, I brought up what he had said to me that made me not want to see him anymore. He said, “Do you see how sick I was?” to which I responded, “Do you see how awesome a person I am that I am still willing to speak to you after saying that to me?” and he did.

Nothing ever came of the business idea, but there would be another and another and somehow he was a part of my life, but not really. His mother adored me, good woman and would be thrilled when I called to speak to him. I miss her and the way she would say my name. They are from another country and I like their accents. Being from another country, it also seemed that they would say my name a lot during a conversation, not like most Americans, it’s nice. Even nicer was that since I was no longer in love with him, I felt like I could express myself freely. No longer concerned that I may displease him, I could pick on him relentlessly. We have very different opinions on certain matters and sometimes I would get so fed up with him I would say, “You know, (pointing at his body) this is all very beautiful. You know what ruins it? When you open your mouth.” Very freeing to say, indeed.

One time Tony came to visit me. I was dating John and I told Tony that I was in a committed relationship, but if that ever changed, he would be the first to know. I let him get a little too drunk to drive and I did enjoy the attention he was giving me, but no that would be wrong. Besides, how would Tony ever trust me again if I said I was in a committed relationship and broke that commitment to have a moment with him? No, I made the right decision even though John turned out to be a total lie. Tony is a clean freak and all I ever had to do to turn him off was tell him that I hadn’t taken a shower. That would stop him dead in his tracks and he wouldn’t touch me, so that’s what I said and let him sleep it off on my front porch until he was sober enough to drive home. No regrets, and a nice memory.

As the years rolled on, I would hear from Tony from time to time, but not see him. When I took on a new job closer to his neighborhood, that’s when he came back into my life physically. I think I had told him where I was and one day, he came walking into my store with a friend. I figured she was a girlfriend, but it was good to see him. He is highly educated and a bit crazy because of it. He is really into clean living and taking supplements. Tony doesn’t have the internet in his house or on his phone, which he never holds to his head. He doesn’t even have an email address so I tell my team to extend our on line promotions to him because the caveman doesn’t have an email address to receive them.

Over the years, he has brought in different friends to show them all that he was talking about and to say hello to me. He has come to our informative lectures and asked way too many questions, but it is nice to see him and to know that somethings never change. When my relationship with John ended, it was nice to see him, to tell him what had happened and to see the genuine look of disbelief on his face. As usual, he would lecture me about how I could let this happen, but then let me know that I was going to be alright. In the end, I know he cares even though he isn’t the best at letting me know.

Since I am no longer in love with him, my manner of speech has been matter of fact with him. It has been very freeing and stimulating at the same time. He is a very good looking man and I have told him on a number of occasions, to which he responds that I need new glasses. “I have new glasses.” is what I say and smile. There’s been a little flirting, but in the end there has been more support and sincere conversation. I started to wonder if maybe we could be better the second time around. After all, crazy attracts crazy and we definitely are both crazy, just in different ways.

I sent him a text message today and he called me instead of texting back. He said he doesn’t like texting and asked if I didn’t want to talk to him. I said I did, but he didn’t want to talk to me and the conversation began. We talked for over an hour. We talked about the supplements he’s taking for heavy metal detoxing, how I shouldn’t use metal pans and about his farm. I love talking about his farm and how I have pleasant memories of going there with him, especially when we took my kids camping there. Best breakfast I ever had, tomatoes off the vine fried in olive oil with eggs right out of the chicken, cooked over an open fire. Good fresh clean food, that we can agree on. As the conversation lingered, he went into his preachy speech with me and that’s when I felt it was time to say goodnight. He was talking about faith and I told him that I had faith that he was meant to be in my life and for that, I was grateful. He thanked me and knew he was beginning to ruin it all by opening that handsome mouth of his too much.

Tony’s crazy talk, I always know when it’s safest to just let him ramble on. I know I will not change his mind and odds are he will not change mine, but it’s nice to know that we can still be friends after all these years. My younger son is interested in farming and we have hopes of going out to Tony’s farm again soon. In the stillness of its beauty, maybe we can both quiet our craziness. Maybe we can just enjoy the moment and each other’s company over a fresh clean meal that has been cooked over an open fire in silent understanding and gratitude. Crazy attracts crazy, it’s a beautiful thing.

#thelieswechoosetolivewith