I recently sent a text message to a good friend of mine, “It’s been an interesting week. I actually feel like I’ve been striving as a human being. Long story short, I’m saying things as the person I’ve wanted to become and it’s quite rewarding.”
I sent that text message shortly after exchanging a series of messages with an old school chum of mine. Actually, I don’t even recall us being friends in school, more like acquaintances, but due to a series of Facebook connections, we have managed to become friends over the past few years. He is a lovable character, full of life, silliness and great love for his family. He plays the banjo, rides his bike through the countryside he lives near and he takes the most amazing photographs with his phone while on those rides. I had asked where he did his exploring and when I went to the area he spoke of; I simply could not see what he had photographed. He “has an eye”, he sees things most of us overlook and he frames his images in such a way they touch my soul. He also has wonderful signature mark, he usually has his bicycle in the image which makes them, to me at least, a glimpse into his soul.
He posts these images on Facebook for all to see, but when one of his photos strikes me as special, I like to chime in. He recently posted a Christmas photo, one where he is doing a worm’s eye view, looking up into a bare tree with a few Christmas ornaments hanging from its limbs. I made some remark about it being truly stunning. He had been posting about making another one of his annual calendars for distribution and he was thinking about using this particular image for December, but that he also had another one in mind. He posted that image for me to see. It was a very nice picture of a farmhouse covered in snow. I told him that it was pretty, it was nice, but the other one was art!
A week or so ago, I received a message from my friend stating that he would be dropping off my calendar. I informed him that I had not ordered one, but I would gladly pay for one. He said there would be no charge, so I thanked him and stated that I always enjoy his talent. His response was a laughing emoji of some sort. I wrote back, “It’s true silly goose. you have a creative eye, just accept it.” He said that if he put that much pressure on himself, he would never take a good picture again. “I’m weird that way.” preceded by another laughing emoji of some sort.
When I received the calendar, I was very happy to see that he had used the worm’s eye view of the tree with the few ornaments on it for the month of December. As I flipped through the pages, I noted just how amazing of a talent he truly is. How did he capture these images? What caught his eye that he stopped riding his bicycle and captured a moment in time, so beautiful, that it tells a story and makes a person go, “Huh.”? That’s art. Art is when someone captures a moment that most people overlook and present it in a way that makes the viewer stop for a moment and think about something they may never would have thought about.
I sent him a message thanking him for my beautiful calendar and announced that I would hang it with pride. “I’ll boast about how I know the photographer from way back when.” I was surprised when I did not receive another laughing emoji of some sort. Instead, he posed a question, “What’s your favorite one?” I explained that I was happy with his decision to use the ornaments one for December. I wrote about how I really liked the images for July and November however, “I believe my favorite is September, it speaks to me.”
“Thank you. I was proud of this one. Yeah, September is mine too.” When I read his words, it was like a chord had been struck and suddenly without thought, I wrote back with complete honesty, “I’m a moody bitch, could blow at any moment, but the reality is, I’m sad, lost and alone.” Where the hell did that come from? I mean, it’s true, but why was I suddenly sharing my deepest thoughts about myself with someone I barely know? I suppose, that’s the power of art.
“Hmmm I hear ya. That’s pretty good. Should write that. For your stories.” I continued with my thoughts about his photograph the chose for the month of September, “So much peace and turmoil captured in one shot…amazing.” He responded, “It’s deep. Wow. Maybe I have something there. That’s a great observation.” I recognized that he had a valid point and I asked for permission to use his photo. “I was hoping you would.” followed by a laughing emoji of some sort. He said that he would look at the pic again and show it to his wife. I wrote, “You see so much without even being conscious of it. That’s talent. That’s art.”
“I told my wife about the turmoil in peace. She’s like yeah. That fits. Thank you.” Imagine that, two very different souls bumping into each other a few times along their lifelines who can identify with the same photograph. Two strangers in effect with shared bi-polar emotions that dwell within the same person. One that can see it and one that can write about it. Interesting. This brings me back to my original point, why am I suddenly saying things as the person I’ve always wanted to become? Am I finally at a point in my life where the turmoil and peace are learning to coexist?
The month of September marks several key anniversary dates for me. It is the month that my parents wed, and I chose too alike. It is the month when I embarked on two separate, but important career paths. Back in the day, it was the beginning of a new school year, a time of advancement and new possibilities for growth. It is the beginning of Autumn, my favorite time of year, filled with change and magnificent colors. I’ve been wondering, where will I be come September? So very, very much has happened in the past 12 months, I have survived, but where am I going? I feel like suddenly I have become an antenna of sorts and I am feeling so much more these days, the turmoil yes, but more so the peace that dwells deep down inside the person I want to be. Maybe it’s time for me to not drop my sword, but to place it at my side for a moment. It will always be at the ready, but do I really need to keep it drawn?
Come September, from this day forward, the amount of time it takes an embryo to grow into a viable life. I wonder what that life will look like, feel like, I wonder who I will be. September tends to mark the beginning for me, but the change has already begun. I can feel it, the turmoil is taking a backseat to the peace. What magnificent colors await me, colors I will be able to share with words. Maybe I’ll be able to travel again? Now there’s a thought that lightens my heart. Come September…come September…come September…or maybe, sooner.
#thelieswechoosetolivewith
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