When I was about 8 years old, I remember being home ill from school. That was the first time in my life, when I realize that the world did not revolve around me. While home, and watching TV, I was amazed to see what shows were on when I would normally be at school. It made me wonder, was school still going on while I wasn’t there? I had never really thought about it before, how all over the world, things were happening, even though I wasn’t present to witness them. For the first time in my life, I realized how small and insignificant I was.
3 days ago, I went for my follow-up doctor’s appointment. When I decided to have the rotator cuff surgery, I was certain that I would only be 2 weeks before I could return to work. Now, I was facing the reality of my situation. As it turns out, the extent and age of my injuries were much more than had been anticipated. I was informed that I am now the proud owner of five titanium anchors in my bone which are holding my tendons in place. This is more than most people receive during a common rotator cuff surgery. The original surgeon that I had worked with, said that I would be wearing a sling for 4 to 6 weeks, but now the reality was, I would be wearing a sling for 8 weeks. My new surgeon, I have been told by numerous staff members, is very particular about the way he wants things done. I was going to be in a sling for 8 weeks, end of story. Also, I was supposed to keep my left hand “dead”, and not use it for most anything, including typing. I was now being faced with the reality of my new sentence. I would be imprisoned for six more weeks, at home.
I did not take this new found information well. The next day, when I went for my physical therapy appointment, I had a new therapist. I decided to try and keep my feelings to myself. Really? Me, keep my feelings to myself? Who was I kidding. I proceeded to tell this new therapist my woes, including my new sentence of being out of work for an additional 6 weeks. This physical therapist must be a seasoned individual, because she was very kind and patient with me and explain to me that due to the extent of my procedure, which was much vaster than originally anticipated, I would require a longer time to recuperate. She also informed me that the surgeon I was working with, even though he does have his particularities, also has patients who experience great results.
The next day, I called my employer to inform them of my new timeline. Surprisingly, they were very understanding and supportive of my need to stay home and recuperate properly. After all, it wasn’t just my shoulder that was healing, I also have the numbness in my left foot to contend with. It is still quite a bother and causing me great pain when I walk. In short, I have a long way to go and it is best for all those involved, that I take the time, stay home, and regain my health. In all honesty, me finally accepting my fate of the extended time off, gives me a sense of peace.
My house is located at the center of our block. I decided to start walking in small increments. I would walk one way and then back to my home, that would equal about a block. I even Googled it, for me to walk one block equaled 0.1 miles. So, what that means is, I would have to walk that point one mile 10 times to equal 1 mile, an achievable goal.
On my first attempt, I walked the point one mile, that was it before I was tired and sore. On the second day, I managed to do it twice before I gave up. I’ve been trying to not take the pain medication any longer so, on the third day, I simply couldn’t do any walking at all. Today, I managed to walk the point one mile three times, I was pretty darn proud of myself. However, because I have been experiencing so much pain, not only with the shoulder, but with the foot as well, I broke down and took one of the pain pills.
Sitting here, in the stillness of the afternoon, the pain medication coursing through my veins, I’m left to wonder, how am I going to make it through the next 6 weeks? Am I going to be able to rebuild my physical health? Am I going to be able to preserve my mental health? I’m already feeling trapped. I miss the freedom I experience when driving my car and not being able to walk… My goal, is to be able to walk to my physical therapy appointment and back, which would be a total of 2.6 miles. Can I achieve that goal within the next 6 weeks?
I know my team at the store will be perfectly fine during my absence. So, I really need to focus on my well-being. I want to return in good health and to be able to do my job well. It’s comforting to know, that even though I’m not there, it’s business as usual. Whether I’m there or not, is inconsequential because I have equipped them with the tools necessary to meet the needs of the business.
It’s nice to be missed, but even more so, it’s nice to know that I have created an environment where I’m not necessarily needed. Hopefully, having that peace of mind, will allow me to focus on me for a change. I don’t have lofty goals; I think they’re very realistic and achievable. Point one mile at a time, that’s all I need to focus on, point one mile at a time.
#thelieswechoosetolivewith
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