I always say, one should respect one’s earrings. Unlike a ring, a bracelet or necklace, they will never betray you. No matter how much you weigh, they will always fit.
I love my earrings. I have quite the collection of what I suppose would be referred to as costume jewelry. I don’t have any fine jewelry in the way of earrings, except for the diamond stud I wear on my left ear that is made from the 3 remaining diamond chips of my mother’s engagement ring.
I have a feeling, because memory does not serve me, that I was a beast of a child, especially as a teenager/young adult. I do have two distinct memories, no three, about this stud earring I possess. 1. Before I realized that my mother was dying, I crudely asked her if I could have her wedding ring when she died. She told me, that if I could get it off her arthritic hand, it was mine. Shortly before she died, it simply fell off her finger…interesting. The same scenario held true for my father’s wedding band, it wasn’t going anywhere, but shortly after my mother passed, his ring simply fell off. Till death do us part, is what I choose to believe. 2. Maybe a year before my mother’s passing, she noticed that I had my left ear double pierced. She thought it was vulgar and demanded that I go get my right ear double pieced so I would be even. I told her no; I thought it was cool. So, I honor my mother’s memory by wearing the stud earring I had made from the diamond chips that remained from her engagement ring, in the double pierced ear she despised. I told you; I’m a beast. 3. I wear this diamond stud religiously, but one day, I lost it. I was devastated, searched high and low for nearly a year, but finally admitted defeat. I had another diamond stud earring made with the diamond chips from a cocktail ring my mother-in-law had given me. It wasn’t the same, but it was better than nothing. Now mind you, a year had passed, more than once, I had vacuumed since the earring went missing. Then, one day, I stepped on something in my bedroom, it was my diamond stud earring made from the diamond chips of my mother’s ring. I told someone my story and her response was, “Your mother really wanted you to have that earring.”
There have been other times when I had lost this earring, even at work, but it manages to find its way back to me. Other earrings that I treasure, like a pair given to me for standing up to a dear friend’s wedding, went missing for a year. Then, one day, while standing at the backdoor to my house, I looked down and there it was, in the crack of the sidewalk, patiently waiting for me. I have a favorite pair of earrings, that at one point, I lost a piece of them, but thankfully, I found it and took apart another pair of earrings that I didn’t love, and used some pieces from them to repair my faithful friends. I also have another pair that I have put a lot of effort into saving, but sadly, after I tried to fix them, the main piece of one of them has been lost to me, for months now. Maybe it will return, but I’m trying to move forward with my life.
Today, I put on another pair that is dear to me, given to me by a friend from high school. These pair of earrings are simplistic, but receive praise whenever I wear them, they make me smile. My earrings are like dear friends. Each pair, tells a story. Each pair, is like donning armor. Each pair, speaks to me.
The past few weeks have been arduous. Between challenges with my decade old phone, physical challenges, and weather challenges, my mental challenges have been great. I do not like change. There, I said it and I will say it again, I do not like change. However, my phone kept giving me a threatening message that I was dangerously low on storage space. I was like, fuck you! I have deleted so much from my phone, things I rather not have deleted, and still, “You are dangerously low on storage space.” My son told me that it was not how much I had on my phone, but that the phone was so old, it was the basic inner workings that were becoming a challenge for it. So, I broke down and bought a new phone. I felt like I was betraying an old friend, plus I knew I was going to be freaking out on how to use the new phone, but I did it anyway.
The girl who sold it to me, yes, a girl, not a woman, had really bad eyebrows. I couldn’t remember her name, but those eyebrows were going to be how I knew it was her when we next met. This girl did not possess strong sale skills, because if she did, she would have asked me if I needed a new charger for the phone, maybe an additional one to use in my car as well. No, she didn’t ask me any of those important questions and I had to figure it out by myself when the new phone arrived at my home. I wanted to charge it before going back to the store to have them transfer the information for me, that’s when I discovered, it was not compatible with my old phone charger. It was also not compatible with the wireless charger I had. Basically, I was fucked. Then I had a thought, I hadn’t opened the slim box that arrived with the phone and there, I found a small cord where I could charge the new phone using my laptop. I promptly ordered a wall charger and a car charger on my own, but I really didn’t need this extra stress. If the girl had done her job, this could have been easily avoided. Instead, I was beginning to spiral out of control.
Armed with my tiny cord, I went to the store to have my data transferred. I made the mistake of not taking a shopping cart with me to walk through the parking lot and the behemoth store. Yes, my health is that troubling these days. By the time I got to the phone station, I was out of breath and in pain. I may not have been the most congenial when I saw the girl with the really bad eyebrows, but I did feel the need to speak my mind. I told her, that she may want to consider improving her customer service skills with older customers and ask them if they need the other vital components to be able to use their new phone. I think she actually scoffed at me, whatever. I kept reminding her and the other children she worked with that I am very uncomfortable with technology and asked them to show me everything. They made me feel like I was imposing on their TikTok time, I was not happy, but I left with enough knowledge to hopefully begin to use my phone for the basics.
When I got back to my car, I began to panic. What had I done? How was I going to use this new device? I’m doomed. I managed to connect it to the Bluetooth in my car and successfully called my Navy kid. Between my sobs, I told him my saga. He did his best to console me, but I was determined to continue my pity party. It wasn’t just the phone challenges, it was layer upon layer of challenges that I have had to contend with, too many and too petty to list, but challenges, nonetheless. Thankfully, this all happened on the day I speak to my therapist and I was able to pour my guts out to him. As I did, I realized how insane I sounded, but the pain remained the same. All the self-doubt, all my fears, pain, challenges, etc. remained the same. I sank lower and lower, until I could barely recognize myself. So, I went to bed. Maybe, the next day would be better.
The next day, I wore my favorite earrings. Thank God I did, because work was very challenging. The coolers went down and we had the arduous task of removing all the product, writing it off, and tossing it in the dumpster, while the store was open and there were customers to attend to. By the end of the day, I was exhausted. I still had to drive home, heading into the blizzard like conditions, but I managed to make it home safely. I made myself a dirty martini and went to bed, drowning in my sorrows.
Today, I decided to wear the earrings that make me smile, the ones given to me by a high school friend. I felt confident that today was going to be a great day, mostly because, I was wearing the earrings that everyone compliments me on. However, when I went to the bathroom at work, and looked in the mirror, I gasped! The center part of one of the earrings was gone! I must have lost it by wearing my huge winter coat with the raised collar. I was warm, but I killed my friend by wearing that coat! I managed to get through the day, believing that my earring would come back to me. I looked all over the store, nothing. I left for the day and kept my eyes to the pavement while walking to my car, nothing. Then, while standing next to my car, I let out a whelp of glee. There she was, my friend, the center pieces of my earring lay in wait, in the snow, waiting for me to find her. I sat in my car and while sobbing, I placed the pieces in a bag I had from the new car phone charger, a Ziploc bag, for safe keeping.
I sat there, for what seemed like the longest time, my head hanging low and then I heard a voice, the voice I choose to believe is God speaking to me. “Everything I need, I have.” If I have faith, whatever I need, comes to me. I really needed to find my earring pieces today, to give me hope, and to make me smile. I know that I will eventually figure out how to use this new phone, without going back to the store and dealing with the children, especially the one with the bad eyebrows. I know that I will successfully navigate all the petty challenges that have been plaguing me, I always do. I just needed a little encouragement, not from my Navy kid, not from my therapist, but from me. Magically, my earrings do that for me, they give me confidence, that no matter how many challenges cross my path, I look fabulous in my earrings! And, don’t underestimate the power of a leopard print scarf, just sayin’.
#thelieswechoosetolivewith
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