If you’ve been following along, first of all, thank you, secondly, you know that I have a pacemaker and I received a phone message about a questionable reading a few weeks ago. I was scheduled to receive a series of test to make certain my heart health is status quo. I made the appointment on the one day that I could and then, life happened.
There were challenges with work, but I was able to maneuver them. Then, there were household challenges. I noticed some water in my basement where water should not be, below where the first-floor toilet resides. Long story short, it needed a new wax gasket, something I’m not equipped to do myself. I called my long-time plumber and scheduled an appointment for the only day I could, the same day of my stress test. He told me that they could be there first thing in the morning and I should be able to make my appointment on time. Should, being the operative word.
The day of the stress test, echocardiogram and bloodwork arrived, but the plumbers did not. I called the office and was assured that they were on their way. Then, I received a phone call from the plumbers themselves and they informed me that they had to go on an emergency visit to assess a situation, but they should make it to my house in plenty of time to do the job and allow me to keep my scheduled appointment. Should, being the operative word.
They arrived at the house and it seemed like they would be able to complete the job and get me out the door in time for my appointment, but it’s an old house and it is an old toilet, so of course, there was a problem. They told me that I had two choices, a new toilet or a more costly route, fix the old one. Due to the wall tile situation, I opted for the more costly choice and asked them to fix the old one. They had the parts, but then, they noticed that the tank was loose and that would be a whole other situation.
I told Gary and Omar, yes, that is really their names that I had to go, but I would call them when I returned after the 3 to 4 hours of testing, I was eager to get to. They agreed that that was doable and so they left out the front door and I left out of the backdoor. I was not looking forward to this excursion, just the walk from the parking lot to the building might do me in. I was already tired and stressed out from the toilet situation and I was not allowed to drink any coffee that morning and had to fast for 4 hours before doing the test. Four hours doesn’t sound like much, but when you add the fact that I was going to be there for another 4 hours without eating, this big girl was not looking forward to the experience.
I got to the building without issue, I took that as a good sign. Weary from not having had any caffeine and the whole toilet excursion, took its toll, but the fear factor was kicking in. What if they found something and rushed me to the ER, that’s what happened when I received the pacemaker to begin with, it was an emergency situation and I really didn’t want a repeat of that. The man that led me into the room where I was to receive an IV was very pleasant. I asked him if he was the man who had left me a voice message about what I needed to do to prepare for today and I thanked him for the nice and humorous message he had left. However, I had a question. In the message he said that I was not going on a treadmill, so what exactly was going to happen to me?
I was not thrilled with his response, he said that there are several ways to induce stress. I was thinking, I’ve already experienced enough stress with Gary and Omar, so yes, I understand that statement. I was told that it would be chemically induced. Oh yay, having substances that I am uncertain about, being injected into my body, the thought of that alone was enough to “stress” my system. I was glad not to have to do the treadmill, but not so good with the idea of chemicals coursing through my veins that I had no control over. I was feeling helpless, but I put my trust in him and allowed him to inject the first round of minerals into my body. Then, I went for the echocardiogram.
Oh boy, what fun, I’m amazed that I wasn’t completely bruised after that experience. It was about an hour long of being told to inhale, stop, exhale, stop while having a probe firmly and I mean firmly pressed into my sternum and along my what I will refer to as my bra line. This was not fun, but I am impressed that I was able to hold my breath for longer periods of time than I thought possible.
Next, I went into a room and laid on a table that resembled a dentist’s chair. With my arms extended above my head. I laid there as a machine slowly moved across my torso taking images of my heart. Then, the fun began and I went to the room for the actual stress test. It was determined that my IV had come out and had to be reinserted into the other hand. I’m not squeamish, but I don’t enjoy pain either and this gentleman was not as apt at inserting an IV line as the first man. Then the first man came in and injected chemicals into my IV that caused me to briefly feel not so good. I was told to kick my legs around to help it flow through my system, more fun. The mild trauma passed and I was sent to the waiting room for 45 minutes to allow the chemicals to course through my body before having another image of my heart taken.
I’m really glad that I have a job, because daytime TV really sucks, but I made it through the wait and the second imaging and was told that no news is good news and I should hear from my doctor in a week or so with the results. I left the office and called Gary and Omar, the plumbers. I was told that they were in the middle of a project, but they would be over as soon as possible. That didn’t sound promising and I was correct, they never made back to my home to finish the job that day. I called the lead plumber and not surprisingly, he had no idea what was going on, but assured me that he would find the necessary parts and have someone come to the house on Saturday, a day I thought I had off from work, but I didn’t, but my kid could be home…whew!
I was starting to wonder, what was more stressful, the hospital testing or the plumbers, but the combination was really getting to me. I didn’t feel great, but getting home to eat some dinner helped. I know that lack of caffeine didn’t help matters, but I also knew that if I had some that late in the evening, it wouldn’t be good. So, I toughed it out and managed to get some sleep, hoping that I would hear from my plumber soon, but not the doctor’s office, because remember, no news is good news.
Friday, I did not hear from my plumber, so I sent him a text message asking for some details on what was happening. I wrote that if for some reason, they couldn’t do the job this Saturday, I wouldn’t have a day off until the 20th. You know who I did hear from, my doctor’s office. When I looked at my phone while taking a break at work and saw that they had called and left a message, I was horrified. I bravely went to the voice mail and played the message. It was the nurse telling me that the doctor had already reviewed my test results. Fuck, that man never does anything in a timely manner, this isn’t going to be good. “All the results look great!” Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! I knew it, once again, I’m just fat, otherwise, I’m fine. I’m fine. Now if I can get my toilet fixed, I’ll be better than fine, but the reality is, is that we have a second toilet so if something happens and I have to wait another week, it won’t be fun, but I’ll be fine. Everything is fine.
Saturday morning came and I called my plumber. It went to voice mail so I asked what time I could expect them to be at my home for the repair. I received a call back stating that my message said that I needed to reschedule for the 20th. NO, the message stated that if, for some reason, you couldn’t get it done today, I wouldn’t have another day off until the 20th. He apologized and said that the girls in the office read the message wrong and he would get someone to my house ASAP. He was a man of his word, and I happily came home to a fixed toilet after work today.
All of this has been so stressful, but I did my best to remain calm and grateful throughout it all and here’s why. It’s not that I’m some awesome human being with the patience of a saint, though I have been told that in the past. No, it’s because I was scared. I was scared that they would find something horribly wrong with my heart. I was scared that they weren’t going to be able to fix the old toilet and I would be doing tile work as well, so I could have a new toilet installed without the plaster wall being exposed. However, something else scared me as well.
John was a regular customer, coming in like clock work to buy his Grape Zevia soda, Penta Water and a handful of chocolate bars. He wasn’t a cheerful bloke, rather, he was always a bit gruff. I would manage to get a smile out of him every once in a while, but not often. He was a business-as-usual kind of guy, not one for small talk, but he did make it known that he didn’t like the 80’s music I was playing. I was like dude, how can anyone not like 80’s music, oh bother. He had just been to the store recently, to buy his Grape Zevia soda, Penta Water and chocolate bars and then apparently, he died. John was 59 years old, there was no cause of death listed in his obituary, all we knew, was that he was no longer going to be a regular of ours.
I’ve been thinking about John a lot over the past 24 hours. It’s not like we were chums or chummy for that matter, but he was someone I knew and without notice, without warning, poof, he’s gone. That could be me, that could be any of us at any given moment. So, today I am grateful that my test results were great, that I have a working toilet and that I was able to go to a job I enjoy and chat with customers. I did my best to look them in the eye and connect with them, even for just a moment, because tomorrow, one of us may possibly be gone. I wonder if somehow, I connected with John, calling him by name, making certain I had his Zevia Grape soda, Penta Water and chocolate bars in stock. I hope so, I sincerely hope so.
I passed the stress test, and I’m not talking about the chemically induced one. Everyday life is so stressful, especially of late. I feel like all I do is eat, sleep, repeat, but it’s better than the alternative of “poof” and be gone. I had a closing shift today, so I got my butt onto the exercise bike before going to work. I don’t want anymore tests anytime soon, but when they come along, I do want to hear, once again, that the results are great! I don’t mind being a fat girl, as long as I’m a relatively healthy one. My heart doctor once told me that he doesn’t care what I weigh, he wants me to exercise so that I will feel better. He’s good looking, but he’s an asshole and I think he was speaking from experience that when he exercises, he’s not such an asshole. I hope he wasn’t saying that I was an asshole…even if he was (what an asshole if he was) I did feel better today and hopefully, I will remember that feeling and be more likely to get my butt onto the exercise bike again, sooner than later.
I don’t want to “poof” anytime soon, but if I do, I hope I have connected with you, even for just a moment, with my words or actions. If I haven’t, let’s change that sooner, than later. Be well.
#thelieswechoosetolivewith
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