Reference Letter

“The reference letter details the skills, achievements, and character traits of the applicant as they relate to the individual’s goals.”

I was recently asked by a friend to write a reference letter.  I wasn’t certain how to proceed, so I looked up the perimeters in hopes of being able to produce one of quality.  This assignment really got me thinking, “How do I sum up a person in a few short sentences?”

The person I wrote the letter for has been in my life for twenty-five years.  He is someone, that at one point, I was very much interested in being more than friends with, I even dared to ask him out, but sadly, I do not meet his benchmarks.  I simply will never be a petite Hispanic woman, enough said.  However, we have remained in each other’s lives, supportive of each other’s goals, shared pains, and sorrows, and always helpful whenever a need presented itself.  In many respects, I have been his wife during periods of our relationship, but gladly, we live separate lives. 

How was I to incorporate all these moments into a few sentences?  The times he mentored my kids, helped with my never-ending repairs of this old house, the long conversations he had with my father and my all time favorite, the time he found our house unlocked, and while waiting for us to arrive, made himself a sandwich and read the newspaper, but left when we didn’t show after an hour or two.  When I made this discovery, I remarked that I was glad that he felt so comfortable in our house.  However, many people do, it’s the house, its energy, people sleep better here than in their own homes, it just is.

I thought long and hard, but not too hard because I wanted the statements to be honest, not forced and they needed to be based in fact.

• He has been a loyal and trustworthy family friend for the past twenty-five years.
• He has a strong sense of commitment and dedication to his career.
• He is punctual, kind, and courteous to his clientele and has their welfare at the forefront of his mind when caring for them. 
• He has continued to expand his knowledge of various modalities, not only to support his credentials, but to best serve his clients’ needs. 
• His dedication to his career field is evident by his continued success for over twenty years.

Done and done.

He liked the letter, even said that it was awesome and that I am “an amazing writer, person!”  To which I responded, “I only speak the truth.”

The latch on my kitchen cabinet door broke again.  This is the cabinet door that I like to believe, that when it opens by itself, it’s my mom wanting to make a statement.  Once again, until I take the time to try and fix it, I put a rubber band on the handle and stretched it to the adjacent handle, to keep the door closed.  Stepping back to look at it, I hung my head in shame and thought, “What people must think of me.”  I’m a lot like this jerry-rigged latch.  I’m old and well-worn, kept together with rubber bands, or whatever is available. It’ll do, I will do, just keep it together, who’s going to see me anyway.  Oh, maybe I will eventually get over to the Home Depot, make certain I clean myself up before I go because I have this premonition that the man of my dreams is there, I just don’t go often enough to meet him. Until then, this rubber band will do just fine.  Not much to look at, but functional.

That reminds me of a story.  During high school, I was friends with a girl that was a real beauty; physically stunning, intelligent, and came from a well-to-do family.  Men were constantly sniffing around her and barely ever noticed me.  What they didn’t know, was that this girl led a troubled life, I will leave it at that.  One day, her own father compared us to two cars on a used car lot.  She was the bright red Mustang and I was the beat-up looking family sedan.  What the guys didn’t know, he said was that the transmission was shot on the Mustang, drive it off the lot and it’s going to die shortly.  However, the family sedan had been rebuilt, taken care of, lots of reliable years of use out of that car.  Which car is the guy going to choose?  The red Mustang, of course.  Her dad never liked me, but he had a point.  If I have shared this story previously, please forgive me, but it really has stuck me all these years.

I recently returned home from being away for a few days.  I don’t like to travel, but it gives me the opportunity to realize new perspectives.  I love being home.  I have created a home I love being in, and to come home to.  It was a warm sunny day when I entered the house.  The sun streaming through the old, wavy glass windows, illuminating the stillness of the house.  It was like taking in a series of photographs, stills of the life that is being lived here.  Instead of seeing all its flaws; peeling paint, dusty furniture, and dirty windows, I saw all its glory.  The palm trees, pink flamingos and pineapples, the photos of my family and the eclectic warmth of my kitchen, especially that cabinet door being held closed by a rubber band.  It made me smile.

I wonder what my reference letter would state, if I asked someone to write one for me.  I know it would contain the statements about me being dedicated, knowledgeable, detail oriented and that I have excellent time management skills, but I would hope for something more.  A while back, I wrote a piece about the 5 words folks would use to describe me at my best.  There were so many wonderful words to choose from, but the words that come to mind when I think about how I felt when I returned to my well-worn home are:  Creative, Loving, & Real.  How wonderful it is to know that who I am, is the person I always wanted to be.  Hopefully, when I finally try to fix the cabinet latch, that man I’m meant to meet at the Home Depot, will see that.

#thelieswechoosetolivewith