I fully realize, that this customer most likely believed herself to be offering some helpful advice when she spoke about which socks I may want to try, noting that I stand on my feet all day. However, she felt compelled to include that their extra cushioning would be of great value to me because, and I quote, “You’re tall, heavy and older.” I stood there smiling and I nodded a few times in agreement, as she kept on extolling how comfortable they are. She wears them due to her health issues that affect her feet and they bring her more comfort than any other socks she has tried, good for her. That evening, as I walked to my car, I had to laugh as I thought about what people must see when they look at me. I can only imagine, that upon first impression, what people see, is how they choose to label me. They must derive some level of comfort from doing this, because, as you may recall, I’m supposedly intimidating, right?
She seemed nervous as she spoke to me, maybe I am intimidating, or maybe she realized she was digging herself a hole. Either way, she was right, I am tall, heavy, and older, but I’m much more than that. I’m a culmination of the many decades I have been blessed to walk this earth. In my twenties, I lost my mother to cancer, switched career goals from screenwriter to chef, created a cheesecake recipe, married, and realized my goal of becoming a mother, not once, but twice.
In my thirties, my marriage ended and I managed to raise my children without the aid of their father, but instead, with the aid of my father. I was a babysitter and bootleg baker to make ends meet. I honed my maternal and baking skills and became a massage therapist. I did everything I could think of to give my kids a “normal” life, but sadly, I believe I lost a part of myself along the way.
Along came my forties and I did a lot of exploring, finding parts of myself I never knew existed. It was a very interesting time of my life and I developed a different set of writing skills. It was thrilling to realize how much power my written words possessed. Alas, the thrill was momentary, but I did find someone I thought I could build a relationship with. So, I allowed myself to believe that I was living the dream and for a long time, I was happy.
My fifties proved to be a challenging maze to navigate. I received an emergency pacemaker, my father’s life ended in the darkness of dementia, a forced career move, and the forced mourning of a relationship that was all a web of lies. However, through the perseverance of my therapist, I found a new writing outlet and gave birth Groovy Gail. I taught my children how to make my cheesecake recipe, Groovy Gail’s Cheesecake, to be exact. I cultivated Groovy Gail’s Garden and nursed the idea of a podcast, Gabbing with Groovy Gail, but I put it on pause, time will tell.
This morning, I received a text message that was profound. “All you can change is yourself, but sometimes, that changes everything!” I believe that to be true. I began writing this blog days ago, but it was a lame attempt at best. I read it to a friend and she said, “It’s an outline, you’ve done so much more than that.” True, but so what? Today, I realized that I have changed. I’m much more comfortable with myself, I know who I am and I am choosing to be more kind to others, as well as to myself. That’s probably why I didn’t get insulted when the lady referred to me as tall, heavy, and older because the reality is, I am those things. She, being older than I, probably feels more comfortable with herself as well and says what she wants to say, without apology.
Now that I have entered my sixties, I’ve been contemplating my legacy. Yes, I have so many wonderful stories to share, maybe I will, maybe I won’t. However, more importantly, what I’m most proud of are my two children and that cheesecake recipe that seems to bring so many people joy. That’s not a bad legacy, not at all. My story isn’t over. I will continue to evolve and cultivate my brand of Groovy Gail, because, after all, I’m tall, heavy, and older, but most of all, I’m groovy!
#thelieswechoosetolivewith
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