The Dating Game

In hindsight, I should not have “gotten myself out there” so soon, but it did give me something else to focus on instead of the big gaping hole in my life that John’s absence left. I did a little research, so of course, dating website ads began to appear on my Facebook feed. I chose one that was dedicated to people over the age of 50. However, it does not seem that they hold fast to the rule, but I did not encounter anyone under the age of 40. I’m really not the cougar type, I have two children, no need for more. Besides, dating John, there were many times I felt like I was with a 12 year old and I was ready for a more mature relationship.

I set some goals for myself. After all, I had just spent the last nine years of my life with only one man. I am not one to cheat and not only was I desperately in love with John, I had been addicted to him. He was a guaranteed thrill, our chemistry was magic. It was so good, I was willing to be the ultimate “Girl from Ipanema” and look the other way when I saw the glaring red relationship flags waving right in front of my face. I will never claim to be the victim, I stayed with him even though I knew it wasn’t right that he didn’t introduce me to his family and friends, nor take me to see where he lived. However, I never doubted him being a pilot and in all honesty, he made me feel like I was the only girl in the world. I loved how he made me feel and I wasn’t about to give it up easily.

I was genuinely concerned that I was going to have difficulties being intimate with another man, any man, ever again. So I set out to “bust my cherry” if you will. I agreed to meet with men that really weren’t my cup of tea, just to test the waters. I had brunch with a nice man I had been chatting with, but meeting him in person, there was no spark and I felt very uneasy. Not that he did anything wrong, I just couldn’t imagine giving myself to him, I didn’t feel attractive in his presence and if I remember correctly, I may have even cried while mentioning John. No, this was not going to happen, not even if I forced myself, which sadly, I have done before.

Right after that date, I needed to have a procedure that would not allow me to have sex for 2 to 3 months, so I set out to chat up some other men who showed interest in me. A man contacted me who seemed familiar, but I couldn’t place him. When he told me he was a teacher, I began to think that I really did know this man. I asked him a few questions and he replied that he thought we had been very good friends a long time ago. I knew it! Of all the dating websites in all the world, my old “buddy” ended up on mine. This would be the perfect way to “bust my cherry”. Setting up a time to meet took a few months, which worked out very well for my timeline.

When we finally got together, it was as if no time had passed. I have to admit that I had to have a few cocktails and really focus, but mission accomplished. I had managed to successfully be with another man, no crying, no wrong use of names, perfect. I made it over the first hurdle I had set up for myself…check! Now, I needed to find someone I was not familiar with. This was the second hurdle I set up for myself, so I got back to work chatting it up with men on the website.

Someone who caught my interest was a man from Africa, handsome and a lawyer in his country, but was doing home health care since he came to America. We had a very nice time chatting and I decided to meet Marcus for lunch. There was a physical attraction, but I felt that we would not be very compatible outside the bedroom. When our date was coming to an end, I told him this, but I think it made him like me even more.

We met a second time, he was very interesting to speak with and the physical attraction was there, but I point blank told him that I was concerned that his only interest in me was a means to remain in the country. He seemed a little offended, but assured me that it was not the case. Afterwards, he sent me a very passionate Valentine’s Day text message. I wrote back asking if he had sent it to the wrong person, after all we had just met. No, it was meant for me. Odd, but flattering.

We met for a third time. I knew this was not someone I could have a meaningful relationship with, but he could be someone I could be intimate with that was a relative stranger to me. I planned for this to be the night, he was pleasantly surprised and I made it over the second hurdle on my list. I left feeling that it was unlikely I would hear from him again, but I really didn’t care. I had accomplished what I had set out to do and I was fine with the consequences…check!

However, I did hear from him again and even though it was unlikely that we would have a long term relationship, we did make an attempt at one. I actually grew quite found of him. I enjoyed our conversations, the way we sparred with one another. He was very intelligent, but we had different points of view. So, many times, I just listened and enjoyed his company.

Then it happened. I sent him a very nice text message inviting him to my home and he never responded. I knew he was fine, no harm had come his way because he was still posting on FB. I believe I let a couple of weeks go by before sending him an email ending the relationship. He wrote back saying something ridiculous about it being a test and how me ending the relationship was showing my true colors. Whatever…check!

Next came a man that said all the right things, handsome too. He shared with me pictures of his family and many pictures of himself at work. Gabriel said that he was an engineer from Portugal. He spoke and wrote with an accent, but we both spoke the same language of love, passion and devotion. We set a date to meet, but when that time arrived he said that his daughter was ill and had to reschedule our meeting, understandable.

We continued to chat and share photos with one another. He claimed to be speaking at some sort of engineering conference and sent me pictures of himself speaking on a stage with a microphone and pictures of himself at a convention booth with a coworker with an engineering company banner in the background. He seemed real enough to me and so handsome. We set another date, but when it came time to meet, he suddenly had to leave town because of a report he had to prepare for a project that he had been working on for months and was about to lose it if he didn’t go to California that day. He asked me if I wanted to meet him at the airport for a quick meeting before he had to leave. Me being the crazy romantic that I am, I agreed. He said he had to go home and pack quickly and would meet his team at the airport.

I called a friend and asked her if she would be willing to drive me to the airport so I wouldn’t have to worry about parking my car. There was so little time, I had to act fast. This friend of mine had worked with engineers and told me that none of this seemed to make sense. I agreed, but I wanted to go and then suddenly, I received another text message. It said that he was already at the airport with his team and they were ready to board the plane. He said he would be in touch with me when he got to California. How did he go from heading home to pack a bag to being at the airport in less than half an hour? She was right, this didn’t make any sense and I was letting my romantic notions get the best of me.

My friend suggested that I call the engineering business that was on the banner Gabriel had posed in front of in the numerous photos he had sent me. The woman I spoke to was very kind and helpful, but she had no idea who Gabriel was. I asked her if I could email her the photos he had sent me. She was able to identify the banners and the coworker, but not the man claiming to be Gabriel. Wow, just wow! Once again, I had been completely and quite easily taken in by another liar. What kind of person does such a thing? Odds are, he works at the hotel the convention was held at and had a friend take pictures of him with the “props” of his charade. When he supposedly made it to California, he continued to send me photos of himself, this time wearing a construction helmet and safety vest. Really? Who is this guy?

I chose not to respond to his messages for a few days and then he finally asked me if I had met someone else. I responded by saying that I had decided not to wait for him to return from California. I thanked him for the moment we shared and said good bye. His response was priceless, he said that I shocked him with how I met someone else and just cut off all communication after all that we had shared. “Just like that? Do you think is easy to walk away? Anyway, am promising you one thing, you going to come back looking for me, it will be too late for you by then. Go state my word! I said so. Am not blowing my trumpet but that’s who I am. All that glitters aren’t gold. People like you make men to hardly believe true love Exist.”

I never responded…check!