I’m all about spa days. Back in the day, I used to do massage therapy. I don’t really remember how it came to be, but I ended up going to school for therapeutic massage and for a moment, I was a licensed professional. I did it on the side and some days it was difficult to get started because it was either my day off or I had worked all day and the last thing I wanted to do was to give someone else a massage, but once I got started I realized how relaxing and rewarding it was for me too.
Massage is an exchange of energies and I have been told that I have a green aura, meaning that I am a healer. I also used to work with balancing someone’s chakras or energy points. It was so rewarding to take someone who arrived a mess and send them home balanced, calm and at peace, at least for a moment or two. Some of the best compliments I received back then were that one would feel better just knowing that they were going to see me and that I have angel hands. Believe it or not, this Tasmanian devil of a woman has a calming effect on others.
I also love facials, pedicures and getting my hair done. Once again, I think it has more to do with the exchange of energies and experiencing the human touch. I could do these things for myself (well, maybe not cut my hair), but it simply is not as rewarding. While doing my training, I gave a massage to a married woman who tipped me very well. She said that it had been so long since she had been touched and she greatly appreciated the experience. I was blown away because she was quite a beautiful and lovely person and her husband didn’t touch her? Damn.
Today, I treated myself to a massage from a very talented therapist I have known for a very long time. We talk about so many things, it ends up being a therapy session on many levels. However, during the massage I tend to remain silent and take in the music, the warmth of the oils and stones and try and calm my mind. Needless to say that is very challenging for me, but I did have some interesting thoughts while being kneaded.
John came to mind and how I had no idea (and still don’t) who he really is and how incredibly different Jane and I are. If you are new to this blog, John is the man I had a nine year relationship with that ended when Jane, the other woman found me and told me how he had never been faithful to me and that he wasn’t even a pilot. Our whole relationship was a lie, or was it? Yes, he lied to me, countless times, but I did enjoy him immensely while it lasted. He was always so incredibly kind to me, nary a derogatory comment, only supportive and loving. If those were lies too, I hope I never find out the truth.
I had a thought today, that I believe in many ways, I was a spa day to him. IF he is who I now believe he is, I was a breathe of fresh air, a reprieve from his true existence. I used to tell him that our meetings at hotels were like mini vacations for me, time away from being a single mother and caring for my elderly father. However, I now believe the vacation from reality went both ways. I exposed him to so many experiences I don’t believe he ever had before. I gave him massages and worked on his energy points. I also trimmed his eyebrows (a very sensual experience being so close and trusting me with scissors by his eyes) and gave him back facials. I shared my soul with him and made him laugh. When he was with me, he was happy, loving and attentive.
Jane had described a person I had never known. She told me that he never smiled and that he would yell at her so badly, she was afraid he was going to hit her. I once had a glimpse of that person when I witnessed him have a verbal fight with another man. I have to admit, I was frightened of him the rest of the day and told him so later on. Now, I realize that is who he probably is in real life. Someone with such a negative energy, someone so lost and confused I should actually pity him, but I don’t. He knowingly manipulated me, no matter his reason, he knew how deeply hurt I would be once I found out the truth, but I don’t think he cared. He was enjoying his spa days with me, someone who loved him so deeply, cared for his every need and thanked him for being in my life. I gave him a human experience that was foreign to him and so maybe he kept on lying because he didn’t want it to end.
Maybe, or maybe he’s just a sick and hurtful individual who chose to spend time with someone who is the opposite of me and was about to leave me anyway. He just couldn’t afford to do it at the time so he kept on using me, but she pulled the rug out from under him and left him homeless. Lies always have a way of finding the light of day and his came with some serious consequences. He may have enjoyed being in a mutually abusive relationship with her, but at the end of the day, she was not going to tolerate his lying and so he lost us both. Or at least that is the story I’ve been told. I will never know the real truth, they may be living together for all I know, taking turns being abusive to one another.
At the end of the day, I can live with my decision to kick him out that faithful night without a moment of hesitation. I will continue to enjoy my spa days and enjoy the human experience. If not a massage, a hug works just as well. I’ve also been told that I give great bear hugs, holding on for just an extra moment or two so that our energies combine and we leave each other a little better than before. Be well.
#thelieswechoosetolivewith
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