One of the greatest compliments I have ever received, was from my very dear friend, “My best stories begin with, I was with Gail and…”
My friendship with Laura began sophomore year in high school. She was already friends with a group of girls I was quickly becoming familiar with due to a connection of a friend of a friend. She and I weren’t thick as thieves, but somehow our friendship stuck and has lasted over 40 years. Because we have so much history together, the memories have become muddled. However, I know and never doubt the connection we share.
They say opposites attract, so that may be the reason we have stayed in each other’s lives for so long. She’s short, I’m tall. She’s brunette, I’m blonde. She’s logical, I’m emotional, enough for both of us actually. However, we come from a similar heritage and share common values. We are both strong women and life seems to be kind enough to alternate between us when striking its blows. How many times have we taken turns in calling one another and begining the conversation with, “Okay, I need you to talk me off of the cliff again.” We do for each other, time and time again, without hesitation, without pause for thought, we just do because we know instinctively we must. It’s almost as if we took a blood oath, one dark and stormy night many moons ago, one which obligates one to the other to serve and defend without question. Sounds ominous, right? However, it simply is what it is, always has been, always will be.
I could write a book about all our adventures and outings and maybe someday I will do just that, but for now I’d like to try to capture the emotions of our friendship and what it’s like to experience unconditional love.
Laura and I remained friends during our college years. Once again, not thick as thieves, but we were in each other’s lives. Then, something happened, a misunderstanding that neither one of us can remember exactly and we didn’t communicate for a year or two. However, when my mother died, I called her to let her know and we picked up right where we had left off.
While she was going to med school, I distinctly remember us having a phone conversation about her choices of becoming a pediatrician or a psychiatrist. I told her, the odds were that we were going to need both in our lifetimes, but let’s hope we will need the skills of a pediatrician more. I gave birth to my first child while she was a resident and she was present for my child’s first day of life. Laura became his pediatrician and his godmother. I suppose it was a logical choice, but the details of the decision escape me. So many memories of my married life have been wiped clean, but I do know that Laura stood by my side when my life hit the fan. She told me to go ahead, if I needed to lose my mind, she would take care of my kids and I need not to worry about ever being homeless, because we always had a home with her. Fortunately, she never had to make good on either one of those promises, but I will never forget the strength she gave me by knowing she would not let me fall.
Over the decades, there have been so many challenges, for both of us. Failed relationships, rearing children, health issues, parental deaths to name a few. Each and every time when one of us called, the other would answer, without question, without pause. When my relationship with John “The Pilot” ended in a heartbeat, as soon as he drove away, I called Laura. She shared in the horror of what had just happened and guided me through taking the proper steps to protect myself. She called to check up on me daily and kept tabs on me for months. Even though I was a hot mess, repeating myself over and over again, she always took my calls and listened. She read my mile long emails and gave me constructive feed back and along with my therapist, spurred me on to start writing beyond the emails. She told me I should publish my thoughts, my voice, my words as I navigated the treacherous waters I was sailing of healing and starting anew. She even helped to fund the start up costs of publishing this page, a birthday gift along with her unconditional love and support.
When I decided to write about “Circles”, I knew Laura would be a major one to conquer. I sat in front of my laptop after taking days to think about how I wanted to approach this story. I started typing and then realized, I had no idea what I wanted to say. So many memories escape me and I wondered to myself, how is it that I am friends with this person and why are we still in each other’s lives? So, I called her, like I always do when I need guidance and support. Laura has been fighting a very bad cold, common territory for pediatricians who are exposed to all those germie kids. When she answered the phone I said, “First of all, how are you?” she told me she was doing better. “Second of all, why are we friends?” There was a momentary silence, like she was waiting for me to accuse her of something, but what? “I mean, I honestly don’t remember why it is that we are still in each other’s lives, after all these years. Why are we friends?” Laura laughed and we proceeded to go down memory lane.
Pen in hand, I took notes as together, we tried to put the pieces of the puzzle together. We spoke about how we met, the events we attended together and the people we knew in common. She mentioned the time I went to her house and her grandmother forced us to watch porn with her. Like I said, we have common values and I suppose it is part of our Polish heritage that we have healthy appetites not only for good food, but good sex, as documented by this event. We spoke about me not standing up for her wedding due to my feeling embarrassed about my weight and not wanting to try and fit into a dress that all the other girls would fit into beautifully. However, my 2 year old son, her godson was the ring bearer at the wedding. Fast forward, how our families met at Disney World. Rewind, how we went to a Mandy Patinkin concert, twice as well as seeing Evita (not with Mandy Patinkin) when we were in high school. We talked about our common friend who had dated both of us and how she yelled at him years after the fact for him making a rude comment about my weight. Always my defender, she is. Finally, our shared fascination with celebrities and how we got to meet Kevin Costner, Brent Spiner and Keanu Reeves (chapters in the future book about the adventures of Laura and Gail).
During the walk down memory lane, I came to realize that Laura is the white noise in my life. She is always there, the soothing hum, the splashing waves, the elevator music of my life. I mentioned this to my son, about the idea of her being the never ending waves, the sound they make and how if it were to suddenly stop, it would be very frightening, indeed. He said that is what happens when a tsunami is about to hit. A tsunami is an arrival or occurrence of something in overwhelming quantities or amounts. Laura’s absence would cause such an occurrence in my life. The silence would be deafening, the loss overwhelming.
After our phone conversation ended, I sent her a text of something I found months ago and saved to my laptop because I found it to be quite profound:
Laura responded, “Back at yah”, enough said.
I fully realize that I am a force to be reckoned with. I’m a “full steam ahead” kind of person, an emotional hurricane, a “master thespian”. It takes strength and bravery to be a friend of mine, a task not for the faint of heart. Laura, though small in stature possesses that strength. We are both fond of The World of Pooh and often refer to ourselves as Pooh and Piglet too. There is an image of Pooh and Piglet from behind, walking into the wind on a very blustery day. I feel that represents our friendship tenfold. Hand in hand, weathering the storms as they present themselves, together.
I love you Piglet. Thank you for being in my circle and for being the constant soothing waves in my life.
#thelieswechoosetolivewith
2 Comments
Leave your reply.