Flamboyance

flam·boy·ance/flamˈboiəns/noun

1. the tendency to attract attention because of one’s exuberance, confidence, and stylishness.
2. the quality of being bright, colorful, and very noticeable.

If memory serves me, I have always been attracted to pink flamingos. I suppose it comes from my love of most things Mid Century Modern, but it goes deeper than that. Even though I’ve been collecting them for close to four decades, I only recently found out that a group of flamingos is called a flamboyance. How perfect a word to describe a flock of pink feathered, backward bending kneed creatures that stick out like a sore thumb.

I love their color, which comes from them feasting on shrimp, I too love to feast on shrimp. I love their stature, tall and proud. Being a woman of height and size, I too rise above the crowds. I love flamingo symbolism which calls for one to be vibrant and outgoing, and to be well-balanced and resourceful in life. I can’t help sticking out like a sore thumb with my mane of blonde curls, my loud outspoken voice and my physical stature and I am definitely resourceful, the queen of “MacGyvering” at home and at work. I suppose it’s only natural that I am drawn to these creatures, birds of a feather flock together, don’t ya know.

I recently had a conversation about my inability to play it small. I am a larger than life character, loud, dramatic; physically and vocally and I’m not shy when I have something to say. I am definitely not everyone’s cup of tea and I am certain there are many folks put off by my personality, but that’s okay. It’s not my goal to be liked by everyone, it’s not really even my goal to be like. My goal is more to be respected and appreciated for who I am and my sense of integrity. Actually, I like who I see when I look in the mirror, especially my eyes. I believe that the eyes are the windows to the soul and my eyes reveal that I am honest, loyal and loving. I may care too deeply, be too passionate, but simply put, it’s who I am.

When I used to work for WFM, I had a boss that advised me to tone myself down. If I was going to become a team lead, I had to essentially become a “Stepford” employee. I would need to become compliant and bland in my behavior. In response to his advice, I raised my hands, gesticulating in a quizitive manner as I said, “What are you talking about?” “That! That right there is too much.” he remarked. Me using my hands to express my questioning was too much? Oh bother, but I did my best to tone down who I was and I received the promotion. I did whatever was needed to grow with the company because as a single mom without child support, I had to survive. I did my best to comply and serve, but truth be told I never drank the Kool Aid. As Jon Lovitz’s Master Thespian character would say, “Acting!!!” I told you I was dramatic.

Over the years I have honed my “Acting!!!” skills. I become who I need to be to survive professional situations, but in my personal life, no holds barred. I sing when I want to sing, even in the middle of a grocery store, to my children’s embarrassment. I will strike a pose, dance in public and throw my head back as my boisterous laugh fills a room. Why not? What are you going to do to me for doing so? Think I’m crazy? Okay, guilty as charged. I can’t seem to help myself, these intense feelings I have come bubbling to the surface and if I don’t let them escape, I might spontaneously combust and that would not be a pretty sight. In other words, I believe my ability to express myself, no matter how startling I may be, is what keeps me healthy and semi-sane.

I honestly feel that my ability to just blurt out what I’m thinking or feeling is the best form of therapy. Yes, there are times I need to rein myself in, but that doesn’t mean I can’t be flamboyant in my mind. Oh, the sentences I complete in my mind. God save me the day I lose my filter when speaking to some customers. “Is there anything I can help you with? Like a new bra, perhaps?…some manners?…The deodorant is in this aisle.” There are days I wish I could claim that I suffer from tourette syndrome. How I wish I could blurt out, “Fuck you and the horse you came in on!”, but that would be frowned upon. I must keep the “Stepford” appearance up and just say, “Fuck you!” in my mind and proceed to take care of the customer.

However, I do gesticulate when I speak and my verbiage is rather matter of fact when working with the public. I’m not going to be all sweet and sugary when working with a customer, I have other team members who can work with you if that’s what you require. Me, I’m more of the honest jokester when trying to get my point across, “You know, it doesn’t work if it stays in the bottle.” I receive that momentarily look of confusion and then the smile emerges as the understanding sinks in. Cut to the chase, I’m not your mama, I’m not your doctor, I’m a merchant…next!

When my self-confidence is lacking, that’s when I kick up the “stylishness” part of being flamboyant. Of late, I have been going through the mountains of clothes I own and giving away what I’m very much done with. There is nothing wrong with these clothes, but I simply do not wear them at all. However, there are some clothes that I haven’t worn much that I feel I must keep. I was showing them to the friend I was giving the other clothes to and told her how I felt they were too fancy to wear to work, so they stay tucked away until I have an opportunity to wear them. She said, “Do you honestly think if you went to work wearing that someone would say, Gail umm what are you wearing? That’s too fancy. Are you going to a party?” I realized she was correct and I have begun to dress a little fancier for work. I also have more scarves than is legally allowed and I have started to wear them again, along with jewelry that has just been collecting dust. I have vowed to myself that if I’m going to keep them, I have to wear them and so I am. Decked out in my one of my lesser worn ensembles, I strutted into work the other day and felt fabulous! Yes, flamboyancy suits me well.

I tend to wear more muted tones, but I have begun to don myself with bright and colorful outfits as well. Being a woman of size, I have always tried to blend in, in hopes that people won’t notice that I’m not a socially acceptable size. I have adopted a new philosophy and I dress up my pleasing features by working my gift to accessorize by layering necklaces, bracelets and scarves, perfectly coordinated to draw attention to my face, my eyes and away from my figure. I want people to see me by looking into my eyes and notice their intensity, passion and fire. I am not a number on a scale, instead I want to be known for my flamboyant personality that reaches out and demands to be recognized for the courage it takes to be the me I’m supposed to be, the person I have always been, but no longer afraid to be noticed.

Yes, I have the tendency to attract attention because of my exuberance, confidence, and stylishness. I also possess the quality of being bright, colorful, and very noticeable. Therefore, hitherto I am flamboyant. I am the pink flamingo on the great lawn of life, whether you like it or not is beside the point. I have the courage to be who I really am, who I have always been and always will be. Get ready to watch this pink flamingo fly!

#thelieswechoosetolivewith